Very few people want to treat their parents like children, but they also want to ensure their loved ones are well-cared for and safe. If you have an aging parent concerned about their health or safety, it is essential to keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to details. In this article, we will discuss a basic checklist that can be used during visits to be thoughtfully aware of their condition and well-being. Remember, most people will not willingly admit that they need help. Visiting your parents’ home for meals, conversations, or to help with maintenance affords you the ideal opportunity to take note of any signs that they may be struggling or need assistance that goes beyond what you can provide.

One thing that is important to remember is your motivation. Any “investigation” you may engage in is not because your elderly loved one has done anything wrong, and we are not looking for “gotchas.” The only motivation is to ensure that the people who are important to us are happy, safe, and healthy. When your heart is right, your parents won’t be put on the defensive or try to act differently to hide things from you. Observe with the desire to begin an informed dialogue about the next steps to benefit them.

Even if your loved one is doing well and thriving, writing down any thoughts or observations you may make will help you notice any concerning changes in the future.

What Should You Be Looking For?

You may consider noticing several categories of behaviors when visiting your loved one. These include noticing their cognitive skills, vision, and physical activity or mobility.

Physical and Mental Health Concerns

If someone is struggling with physical or mental health, you may notice changes to their personality or habits.

Is your aging parent experiencing fluctuations in weight, especially weight loss?
Do they seem more frail or “delicate” in their mannerisms?
Do they struggle following basic conversations?
Do you notice any new behaviors that seem “off,” like repeating the same stories several times in one visit or seeming confused about a familiar topic?
Have you noticed that your loved one is squinting more often?
Has your aging parent tripped or fallen more often than normal?

Driving and Transportation

Driving is often associated with independence and may be a difficult privilege for seniors to relinquish.

Does your aging parent still have the same level of skill when driving?
Do you feel safe as a passenger when your parent drives?
Have you noticed any new unexplained dents or scratches on their car?
Has a police officer stopped your parent, or have they received any minor tickets?

Social Engagement and Interaction

When people are depressed, they often isolate themselves and cut off important relationships.

Does your loved one still participate in the activities they enjoy?
Do they stay in contact with friends and family?
Is your aging parent reluctant to leave their home, even if you offer to pick them up?
Do they attend meetings or events that were always important to them?

Housekeeping and Daily Life

Everyone has a different standard for housekeeping, but a radical change in practice may be cause for alarm.

When you visit, does the house appear messier or dirtier than normal?
Is there a change in their attitude towards home maintenance?
Do you notice broken appliances, excessive amounts of burnt-out light bulbs, or other deferred maintenance items?
Is there a lot of unopened mail or unpaid bills?
Is the refrigerator and pantry stocked with nutritious food?
Is there moldy or expired food present?

Medication Management

Medications can be life-saving and make life more enjoyable – but mismanagement is often a sign of struggle.

When you visit, do you notice any new medications, vitamins, or supplements that you don’t recognize?
Is your parent’s medication organized in such a way that they can correctly be administered?
Are expired medications mixed up with current ones?