November is upon us – a time when our thoughts naturally turn to planning for the holidays. For those with a loved one in memory care, the season inspires mixed emotions. You want to include your loved one in the festivities, but you may worry about how they’ll handle the noise, unfamiliar setting, or changes in routine. However, with some planning, it’s absolutely possible to make Thanksgiving a meaningful (and comfortable) experience for everyone. Here are some practical tips for hosting a loved one with dementia at your home this holiday season.
Plan and Keep the Visit Simple
Before the big day, talk with your loved one’s care team. They can offer insight into when your loved one is most alert, what may trigger confusion or agitation, and any dietary or medication needs that should be considered. When planning a Thanksgiving visit, keep things simple and familiar. A shorter gathering — perhaps just for dinner or dessert — may be less overwhelming than a full day of activity.
Create a Calm and Comfortable Environment
Thanksgiving gatherings can be lively and noisy, which can quickly become overstimulating for someone with dementia. If possible, set up a quiet space where your loved one can rest or spend time away from the crowd if needed. Keep lighting soft and avoid loud background noise from televisions or music. Encourage guests to speak calmly and one at a time when interacting.
Embrace Familiar Traditions
Familiarity is crucial in helping those with memory loss feel at ease. Families can plan the day to include simple, recognizable traditions — such as saying grace before the meal or serving a favorite dish. Looking through old photo albums or sharing stories about past Thanksgivings can spark memories. Even if your loved one doesn’t recall specific details, they will likely find comfort in the nostalgia.
Focus on the Senses
It’s amazing how our senses work together to nudge memories and bring familiarity. The smells of roasted turkey or the feel of a cozy blanket can evoke a serene feeling, even if the person isn’t sure why. However, hosts should be mindful of the potential for sensory overload. Too much happening at once can be confusing or distressing – so keep the atmosphere warm, gentle, and inviting.
Adjust Expectations and Go with the Flow
It’s natural to hope for a perfect family gathering, but dementia can make behavior unpredictable. Your loved one might become tired quickly, forget where they are, or want to go home sooner than expected. That’s okay. Be flexible and meet them where they are emotionally. What matters most isn’t a flawless dinner, but the love and connection shared in the moment.
Prepare Family Members Ahead of Time
If extended family or friends will be present, it helps to prepare them in advance. Explain your loved one’s current condition and offer gentle guidance on how to interact — speak slowly, use their name, and avoid correcting memory lapses. Children, especially, may need reassurance that changes in their behavior are a normal part of the illness. Encourage them to include your loved one in simple ways, such as holding hands, showing a drawing, or helping serve dessert.
Have a Backup Plan
Even with the best planning, your loved one may feel anxious or tired. Have a backup plan, such as returning them to their community early or arranging for a quiet activity at home. Knowing you have options will ease stress for both you and your loved one.
Thanksgiving is about gratitude and the love of family, not perfection. When you focus on the right things, you create meaningful moments your loved one can enjoy – even if they may not remember every detail later.
If you have a loved one living at A Banyan Residence and would like to pick them up for dinner, let us know! We are happy to work with you to ensure your loved one is prepared and feels as comfortable as possible.
