Supporting the emotions and desires of aging parents inspires many challenges. You may think that it is time for your parent to consider some form of senior living in order to remain safe and healthy. But often, parents dismiss the conversation and may even act stubbornly or refuse to communicate when the subject comes up, even if you’re just trying to help. The situation may seem too tough to handle, but there is a way through the disagreements.
- Understand behaviors and listen to concerns: Growing older is a difficult process – both for individuals and their families. Many seniors with dementia or mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, may not want to upend their lives and move to a new residence. Understanding their feelings can help families choose the best approach when starting the conversation about accepting assistance. Families are typically thinking about safety, but the senior is usually more concerned about maintaining their independence. Identifying the root causes of their fears and reluctance can help move everyone forward.
- Assess the current situation: Big changes and big decisions don’t happen overnight. Families can help their loved ones to slowly come to terms with their need for support, such as by suggesting they hire a housekeeper or someone to help them cook their meals. Talk to your senior loved one to determine where they are in their thought process, and remember that they are adults who are still in charge of their own decisions – even if you don’t agree with their choices. Don’t talk down to them; treat them like the adults that they are, and remember to stay away from giving orders or treating them like a child.
- Concentrate on the most critical issues: You’ve heard the phrase keep the main thing, the main thing.” Decide what is most important to communicate and focus on — at least at the beginning. For instance, personal safety at home should take top priority. Your parents will be much more open to the conversation if they don’t feel attacked with too many issues at one time.
- Maintain a calm demeanor, but don’t give up: Requiring someone to make dramatic changes to their lifestyle is difficult at best, and you shouldn’t expect to reach a consensus after a single conversation. Whether you’re discussing moving to an assisted living residence or changing their diet, people tend to feel defensive when confronted by someone about what they should do. Whenever you bring up any subject relating to a loved one’s care, make sure neither you nor your parent is overly stressed or in a bad mood. Talking about major life changes when someone is upset will only make the discussion more challenging.
- Retreat and regroup if necessary: Senior adults have the right to make their own decisions, even if you disagree. Sometimes, all someone can do is offer advice and be there for support. If you push too hard, you could damage the relationship. Ultimately, you are there for guidance, support and to be a sounding board. If necessary, you may consider a doctor, minister, or close friend who can facilitate the conversation.
- Find ways to handle your stress: If you’re stressed out about your elderly loved one refusing to move to a more supportive living situation or take their medication, it’s essential to vent — but not to your parent. Instead, communicate with a friend, family member, or online support group and find outlets to manage stress. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with fear, anxiety, or frustration when constantly trying to help elderly parents who refuse help or guidance, no matter how strong your bonds are. Take care of yourself and find activities to help release negative emotions and find peace.
A Banyan Residence knows that moving a parent to assisted living can be stressful, and we are here to help you communicate your concerns. Call today to learn more and schedule a tour.
