Deciding on where mom or dad should spend the next phase of their life, emotions can run high among family members. This is a highly emotional decision which can result in conflicting opinions on the best senior living options for a loved one. Siblings often find themselves trapped in conflict as to the most beneficial course of action for their parent’s elder care. If you are fighting with a family member regarding your mom or dad’s next residence, here are some ideas from the experts which may help to smooth things over – and arrive at the right decision for your entire family.

Family disagreements in regards to the right senior living options for their loved ones most often fall into one of four categories:

  1. Level of Care: Your sister may think dad is doing just fine on his own, while your brother may believe  it is time to move dad into an assisted living facility . When it is rarely a clear-cut decision, fights and disagreements can take place. This often occurs when family members live in different geographic locations, and can be made even more stressful by your dad’s own opinion on where he should live.We recommend a professional assessment by a neutral third party.  Ask your parent’s doctor for their thoughts regarding their capability to live alone based upon their observations, prescriptions, and any medical diagnosis. An independent elder care expert can make a house call to  conduct an assessment – or you can bring your loved one into a senior care facility for an assessment as well. Requesting a professional opinion  from outside the family can help to calm disagreements about your parent’s actual status and living requirements.
  2. Level of Involvement: While it will differ based on each family’s dynamic, it is normal that the responsibility for elder care falls on one sibling. This person may be  the oldest, the closest geographically, or the one with the strongest emotional connection. That individual may feel stress, isolation and helplessness if they do not obtain the agreement of their siblings. One person carrying all the weight is more likely to suffer emotionally and physically themselves, and may advocate for outside senior living options when others are not.It may not always be practical for all the family to be present to help physically. However, the family member providing most of the care should be permitted to ask for help in other ways, be that financial or with paperwork. Family members who do not live locally should defer to those who spend time with the senior every day as to their needs and level of required care.
  3. Level of Parental Consent: When the parent themselves are unwilling to  consider assisted living, senior care or even home healthcare options, it can cause arguments between family members. Some siblings may side with the wishes of their parent, while others may think that their parent is not thinking clearly or logically. Battle lines can be drawn, with the parent in the middle of the strife.You may be able to relieve some of this pressure by touring local assisted living facilities or interviewing home care specialists, as a family but without your parents present. This will give all family members the opportunity to consider all options without the pressure of mom’s or dad’s emotions. They can then present a united front when speaking to mom or dad about their next senior living options. If you can’t come to a agreement, seek  professional advice (see above) to decide if more advanced care is required.
  4. Level of Financial Responsibility: Care for the elderly requires a significant financial obligation, and how to pay for the needed solution is often a point of contention for siblings and family members. Unfortunately, many worry about “spending too much”, especially if an inheritance is in play. Everyone comes to the table with a different expectation of what is needed, and what is fiscally practical.If the senior doesn’t have the finances to cover the cost of assisted living, siblings may decide to split the cost evenly. In some cases, more financially secure family members may be able to pay more. However, money is the root cause of many family arguments – and this situation is no different. When researching senior assisted living or memory care, meet with the staff to determine if your loved one is eligible for any programs or financial help. Determine how much will be needed, and look into long term care insurance.

At A Banyan Residence, we understand that your loved one’s move into assisted living can be difficult in many ways. We are here to help you talk through your senior living options, questions and concerns. Call our facility in The Villages today for more information.